I think when people hear the words mental illness they immediately get scared, step back, and assume the worst. However, it’s not always the extreme cases of dark depression, suicidal thoughts, and the desire to not go on.
This is my story.
I haven’t had dark depression or the desire to not go on. I have however had some very low times. These lows affected my mental health at the time and shaped my mental health to where I am today.
From a young age I’ve always wanted to be older than what I was. This confused me. Why couldn’t I just enjoy where I was or fit in with my peers? This played a big role in my mind growing up. I wasn’t unhappy, but they say happiness comes when you feel satisfied and full. I still don’t know why I didn’t feel full. Where I am in my life today is what I was always looking ahead to. I can honestly say now I feel satisfied and full. But I still wonder, why couldn’t I have enjoyed the steps more?
Amongst not being your average teen, I lost my dad at the age of 16. It was extremely difficult. I knew life would go on I just wasn’t sure how at the time. I had many days of sadness and I still do. My anxiety for losing a loved one has stayed with me my whole life and my mind constantly thinks the worst and fears that it will happen again.
When my second child was 2 months old we had to admit him to the hospital for some time and all the emotions I had at the time of my dad’s death came back but even stronger since this was my baby. My mind was all over the place, my thoughts of the unknown were terrifying and I was really scared. I’m very happy to say he is a spunky little 3 year old now running around and for now we believe that scare was just him showing us how to really appreciate life.
I have an incredible husband and 3 beautiful children who mean the world to me. I am truly happy with where I am in my life but I have hard days and always will. I’m very proud of myself because when things are overwhelming and hard I’m able to stop and remember how I felt during those lows. After going through the lows it makes it easier to be grateful and appreciate the things that make me happy. That is what I take away from my experiences.
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